My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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