just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
He keeps bees of course he's weird
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Come back. Shots need mouths.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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