he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
