1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
