Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
If its not for food we ain't going out.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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