Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
