i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
