I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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