I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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