Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
