We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
