so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
