Me. At least after what I've been through.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Randomize
