You just made me feel so damn special
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
