margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
