i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
