Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
he thought i was a dude.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
