You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
