he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
