Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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