i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
This is the high leading the old right now
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
