3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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