Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
