Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
false alarm. still invincible.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
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