Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Randomize
