I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
