I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
