we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
