I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Randomize
