cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
