well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
