Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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