one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
