i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
They are going to name an STD after you.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
