i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
