tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
