We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
you win again, gameday.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
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