Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
