that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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