There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I hope mine doesn't look like that
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Randomize
