And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
