After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
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