You made me cry and you don't even care
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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