I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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