She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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