The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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