Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
honey bunches of taint.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
