I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
