Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
