Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
