Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
