Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Randomize
