don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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