Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
